-10:59 PM

I was reading Mark's blog when i stumbled on his eulogy...
and it brought back memories of him...
and i wonder when was the last time i cried..
for him...

Around last year, or the year before, when he first got hospitalised... my sis and i never saw him get into the back of an ambulance and drive off before... so we cried...
then i heard his condition stabalised..
that night i wondered... if he were to pass... i would surely cry every night for at least a whole week...maybe even emo in school...

but i didn't...

and it makes me feel no longing or attachment to him...
and that makes me feel so guilty...
but i miss him so much...
and when i think stupid stuff i don't wanna think about... i wonder... can he hear my thoughts?...
is he feeling ashamed of me??..

when i read Mark's post i cried and cried...
'cause all my feelings of shame lonliness and guilt came flooding back...

i remeber coming home everyday...and he would say "hello SOTA... how was school"
then i would smile and kiss him on the cheek...
but now i come home to an empty rocking chair in the corner...without a cheek to kiss...
and i remember...
and it hurts...

Here come the words and stuff... hope you know wad to do with them...

Name: Still hoping and dreaming
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Music Soothes My Soul

Her name Rachel Lim. She loves her name. She would rather have her mum's maiden name - Ortega. She's intrigued by modern art, awed by the renaussance. She's a sound addict- sounds help her think straight. You might catch her staring into blank space. Was an SACPian. Now a SOTAcian (pronounced so-tae-cian). Always and forever a LOMatian(haha). Has many secrets....but won't tell you=P. She believes in freedom of speech - One day, its gonna get her jailed, (jk). She can't swallow pills,(yes, laugh all you want). Her best friend is her bed. She loves her curly hair. Her favourite band is The Script, and singer is John Mayer<3. Her sister secretly thinks she's gone crazy after she became sec 1. She doesn't mind techno, as long as it isn't the crazy frog crap. Her mum secretly thinks she's mgoing to fall in love, get pregnant and run away from home when she goes out too much. She thinks the word Árse'is better than Áss'. She doesn't belive in elaboration. She hates people forcing her to draw. She loves to draw. She thinks her family is the best family ever. She likes being inspired by other people's words and feeling and thoughts through quotes, music etc. She thinks she's the luckiest girl on earth=D

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My Guardian Angels

LOM
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Pet
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Ian Jr.
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Six Hibiscus
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Meow Ping
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Jaslyn
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Bryan
Jason
Eunice
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